Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
