I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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