she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
