So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
