it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
