This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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