How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
