I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
