i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
