'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
