I CAN MOONWALK!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
