You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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