The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
