I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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