well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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