you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
