omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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