my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize