my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize