dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
