i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize