I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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