quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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