I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
