do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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