didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
