Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
