my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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