i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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