Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
