guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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