That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
