Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
