I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
