HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
