girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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