I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
