i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
