yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
