How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
pray to the hookup gods
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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