where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
