well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
