I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
