she woke up with a sticky ear
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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