i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
