Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
