Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
