I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This house was built for laser tag.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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