Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
