omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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