I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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