Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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