So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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