I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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