Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
