There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
