Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
