At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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