yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
