Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
