The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
