Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
