Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
