Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
