woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
