I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
