She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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