Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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