so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
