Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
