Pappa wants mamma naked
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
this is an emotional support booty call
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
