Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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