Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize