My friends, they love my intelligence
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
