He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Green mimosas i think yes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
