I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
