Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
