:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
