Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
