Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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