Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize