he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
