you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
