Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
