she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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