I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
