How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
