Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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