he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
