My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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