sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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