You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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