so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
