cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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