Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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