she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize