The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
