Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
