Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
