The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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