Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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