my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
