That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we made out on top of his cat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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