My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
