If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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