I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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