And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
