I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
