just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
jump out the window naked night went bad
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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