new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
