I wish life had little blips of pornography
Four minutes until I can fart!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
