this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
