U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i black out too much to be "responsible"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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