Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
