I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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